INFJ and INTJ Christmas perspectives
My INTJ husband and I sat down to talk about our differences around Christmas, and thought we’d film it for your benefit.
Some of it is type-related, but not all! There is also a values difference showing up, so you can see introverted Feeling in action as well — and part of it may be a cultural difference as well.
I’d love to hear your comments.
It’s about 16 minutes long. Enjoy!
And now for pictures to illustrate what we’re talking about! (Click any photo to see it enlarged.)
Here is the trifle I was boasting about:
This is my table setting for our Christmas dinner (with many “trimmings”):
And here is my sister (ISTJ preferences) with her gift:
Here she is with a few of the quilt pieces we talked about:
We hope you had a joyful and Merry Christmas as well!
I coach people to identify and develop their natural personality strengths in order to maximize their potential.
January 1st, 2009 at 8:53 am
Well, this was fascinating. I’m quite sure my preferences are not INTJ, but I’m with Robin in this, in just about every respect. I can hardly relate to any of the things Vicky-Jo counts as important in this video. I couldn’t care less about the commercial trappings of Christmas; Ive never put bows on parcels, and I hardly ever know what to buy people. It’s more important to me that food taste good - appearance is secondary - and when people are over, I want them to have a good time. And so on. I was nodding at everything Robin said, and frankly mystified by most of VJ’s comments!
Is some of this stuff cultural rather than type related? I can’t find any type that fits me better than INFJ… yet could not relate at all to what you’re saying is INFJ preferences on this video.
Anyway, it was fun seeing you guys for real and hearing what you sound like
I’m trying hard to place Robin’s accent (or lack of accent, as it appears to me) - Australia, perhaps??
January 1st, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Sue — I believe you may have nailed it with your comment about it being “cultural rather than type related”. Yes, I am Australian, and I think we have similar attitudes to Christmas as the British — it’s more restrained; more pragmatic; less flamboyant.
It raises the question that perhaps Demonic Si was triggered in that I wanted Christmas to be like the Christmases I remember instead of this “new-fangled” American way.
While it’s true that Vicky Jo went to a lot of trouble decorating the house, it was designed to please our guests, and it paid off when people noticed. Her sister commented that she appreciated how everything looked well-coordinated and complimented VJ’s ability to create a pleasant and welcoming environment. Even her niece said it all looked lovely, and there were many more positive reactions.
Vicky Jo’s beautiful packaging was also appreciated by the older people who received her gifts. (True to form, the younger children just ripped them apart to get to the goodies inside, but the aesthetics were noticed by all who saw them under the tree.)
So I guess I must grudgingly acknowledge that the day was made more special for the attendees as a result of Vicky Jo’s efforts. If the spirit of Christmas is about giving and generosity and spreading goodwill, I have to concede that her INFJ approach with the “trimmings” contributes a lot of value.
-Robin
January 5th, 2009 at 5:37 am
Hi Vicky Jo and Robin,
Thanks for sharing yet another amusing and interesting video. I guess that I sit somewhere between your two views. I actually like well decorated houses – so long as they are not tacky. I love Christmas trees, although I prefer them in a pot so I can plant them afterwards and I take a great deal of time and effort selecting what I hope will be well appreciated Christmas gifts – usually starting the process in the early Autumn. I also go to great lengths to giving well presented parcels with nice color coordinated paper, tags, bows and ribbon. I enjoy making sure that the Christmas table is well laid out and matches the overall Christmas decorated theme of the house.
That said, I also believe that, as much as I might personally enjoy festive trimmings, the more important elements of Christmas revolve around spending time with my family, friends and church. It is these, in conjunction with the more general festive trimmings, that make this time of year my favorite overall.
Best regards to you both,
Charles
January 5th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Charles,
I appreciate hearing your views as another INFJ Britisher. So we can’t chalk our differences ALL up to culture it seems.
I complained to Robin after we filmed this that he cast me in the role of “superficial, commercial Christmas perpetuator” while he played the part of “true Christmas spirit.” I almost didn’t post the video at all as a result! For me, it’s my “spine of integrity” that there is *agreement* between having the spirit of Christmas AND enjoying the trimmings. I want to have both!
I had a feeling I may have triggered Robin’s demonic (”this isn’t how we celebrated Christmas in Australia”) AND also threw him into his Se “inferiority complex,” which got projected onto me as its embodiment. He was in a double-bad place!
My perspective is “what’s wrong with enjoying the beauty of Christmas?” while he seems resistant to integrating that part of himself. It manifested as an outright values clash — at least that’s how it seems to me.
What might be fun is to have a rousing discussion with you over what constitutes “tacky.” (I’m wondering what you might think of my “mistletoad.” :-O)
January 6th, 2009 at 12:44 am
Hey Vicky Jo,
Thanks for providing your additional comments. I can totally appreciate why you’d want agreement between the spirit of Christmas and the aesthetic trimmings too. That is very much my position as well since it is when these two are aligned that season can come to life. It was very unfortunate that Robin cast you as the ‘superficial’ character in your video whilst he assumed the ‘true spirit of Christmas’ although based on your comments it is quite clear as to why. It begs the question, therefore, that if Robin could have done thing entirely in the way that his demonic ‘Si’ was pushing him, how would he have done things differently and, would there have been anything left that would resemble what one might imagine as ‘Christmas’? Interestingly, given that Australia is in the height of summer over Christmas I guess that there would be many differences since for me, anyway, having Christmas BBQ on the beach under the blazing hot sun, the sea waves breaking at my feet would feel odd indeed.
In answer to your question as to what constitutes tacky… Well, to get the ball rolling, I have a great dislike of large fake plastic things that people seem to place in their gardens like giant snowmen, Santas or reindeer – especially if they play music and have flashing lights. I much prefer more ornate decorations such as those made out of wood – although before you get entirely the wrong idea I do love Christmas lights, tinsel, wreaths etc so long as everything is well coordinated. Anyway, you have definitely got me wondering, what on earth is a ‘MistleToad’? Beside from the weird and wonderful images that the name conjures up, I am totally intrigued.
Best regards,
Charles [INFJ]
March 28th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Hi Vicky-Jo and Robin,
I know it’s a long time since Christmas but I thought I’d comment since I actually can see both of your views in a way. I’m INTJ like Robin, but I’m a girl! (I am also from Australasia).
I used to love Christmas when I was a kid but like Robin I always thought it was about my family having a nice day together and definitely not about anything commercial. I spoiled my parents fun when I was 4 by figuring out logically that Santa could not exist because a) his handwriting on my gifts looked suspiciously like my mother’s and the probability of him having her exact handwriting seemed extremely unlikely, b) because there were multiple versions of him in the shopping malls before Xmas, all with fake beards and c) if he was hanging around before Xmas that contradicted the idea that he only appeared once a year on Xmas Eve from the North Pole. So I never believed in him. It was more important to me to get at the logical truth than believe in magical stuff that might be a lie. But being imaginative I quite liked the promising appeal of a magical Xmas too - I just never could bring myself to see it as real.
I think in true INTJ style too my favourite gifts as a kid were things like trucks, puzzles and tape recorders (became a sound engineer years later!) One year my mother gave me a doll and I didn’t know what to do with it. I think it got dismantled to make a robot or something.
But I also appreciate Vicky-Jo’s side too. My mother (ENFP) always went to a lot of trouble to decorate the tree and wrap all the gifts nicely and think of a great present for everyone. Since family is really important to me and I saw that as her way of showing how she loved us I thought that was cool and I’ve always been really good at deciding quickly what the perfect gift is for someone too. And while I hate overly sentimental things I am also good at gift wrapping and can make things festive. Maybe this is a girl thing???
However, in the last few years since we have all had less money around (my parents have retired and I have a small business) we have decided to cancel Xmas completely and just get together for a meal without any sort of trimmings or gifts. To me they have been the best Xmas Days ever. I don’t even bother putting a tree up any more and it doesn’t bother me. But I think if I had children I would go out of my way to make Xmas special and magical for them like my mother did. So I’m not a complete robot!